Port Moresby Fantasy Sports!

The Adventures of Mr Witten

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The Internet has Returned to Port Moresby!!!

Port Moresby- Due to the recent civil strife here in Port Moresby, we have infrequently been keeping tabs on the famous Flowers and Kittens players. Our coverage of the Baby Ducks' last season was frankly an embarrassment.

This will all change, however! While recently the Internet was "spotty", "slow", and "unable to load the basic yahoo fantasy sports player screen" - we have signed a new deal with ISP Barney's Beanery to provide regular and uninterrupted Internet support to the entire island! Victory!

In other news, there was this place called "Big Wangs" and they're a bunch of assholes.

Homecoming Turns to the Usual

Port Moresby - The city of Port Moresby welcomed home their 3-0 Flowers this week in what can only be described as the saddest chapter in Port Moresby history. This week will never be forgotten, never be lost. All we can hope for is, of course, a future.

On sunday evening, as their chartered boat reached shore, the now well documented incident began. While local celebrities and various members of the monarchy watched, Flowers faithfull surged forward and began hoisting the inititally pleased Flowers from their boats. After being loaded into the back of the Flowers' wagavan, the team seemed ready to spend their week in training and preparation - and especially ready to deliver another win.

Not so! The state military police were immediately overwhelmed as the Flower's Mascot, Pepper the Petunia, stood atop the wagavan and demanded a "PARTY TO END ALL RIOTS". This "celebration" continued until late the following saturday, forcing the Flowers players to enter the field without having slept in a week.

The sub-50 point showing was their lowest in franchise history. The only shining becon of hope comes from the fact that the loss came to the Gay Momz, a team widely known as a chairty case that really needed cheering up.

Nashau Nashes Teeth Over Newest Loss

Nashau - John Carney has historically been known as the ugliest Flower, but now he has a new distinction as well : ugliest Flower to ever win a game almost singlehandedly!!

With Nashau rallying late in the game, the tiny and ugly Carney entered the game and immediately drop-kicked a field goal. To the astonished players and fans, this field goal was counted, despite the fact that the regulation ball and line of scrimmage were nearly 40 yards away and the Flowers were not in posession of the ball.

Although completely against all regulations and rules of play, the referee and scorekeeper continued to allow his field goals to stand, even after several complaints from the Nashau management and players. While the game continued to be played far away, Carney just hung out at the 20 yard line of the Nashers, kicking FG after FG. Truely inspirational.

His play was so stunning that Matt Jones collapsed in a weeping pile, possibly ending his season with a partially torn sense of self.

Cassanovas are kept loveless

Budapest - Another Victory for the Flowers!!!!!

While there were literally over a million reasons to favor the Flowers in this matchup of titans, the high-powered Cassanova offense was stymied yesterday by only two things. The first was the superior defensive effort by the Flowers, the second was the impromptu quarterback play by Ryan Longwell. The defense was flawless, holding the Cassanovas to only 111.21 points, but kinda scoring 24 points on their own. This means the defense only really gave up like 87.21 points which is still pretty good, although all of this talk sort of takes away from their real accomplishment. It is also, unfortunately, difficult to really discuss what their actual impact on the game was as they played a day after most of the rest of the team had finished scoring.

In a year when the math and history challanged fans of the PFFL have screamed for "more scoring", "less scoring", and "a little laser light that follows the football so I can figure out where it is out there", the incredible play of some team defenses have drawn scorn and ridicule. Not this week, however, as the sound play of the Flowers defense was heralded league-wide as both inspirational and heartwarming.

The other spectacular play this week came from team funnyman Ryan Longwell. In a post-game interview, the owner of the Casanovas lamented "If only Ryan Longwell hadn't thrown that pass" - or course addressing the strange field goal attempt in which Ryan Longwell recieved the hike, and then threw the ball up on a fade route into the corner of the endzone. Longwell then sprinted past the CB, ran over Jerry Porter, and caught his own pass for a touchdown. While such exciting play is always a welcome suprise in Port Moresby, Longwell was immediately cut from the squad.

Frank Gore : Gores Whores!!

SCOTTSDALE - The team once known as the AZ BEARS went through many changes in the offseason, including moving their stadium to Scottsdale and altering their team name to (more apt) "Whores". One thing that did not change, however, was their inability to defeat the Port Moresby Flowers.

Frank Gore had 160 all purpose yards against a sieve-like Scottsdale defense, but the real margin of victory was had through the poor play and execution of Jake "the Joke" Plummer. Signed in the offseason by the Whores to "solve" their quarterback issues, Jake once again shit the bed and posted a 13-26, 134 yard, 3 int day.

He also lost a fumble and was sacked 3 times.

Flower Pre-Season Update

Port Moresby - The recently renamed "Fanson Memorial Stadium" still had wet paint signs up when the off-season cuts hit like a ton of bricks: Due to budgetary constraints and the lack of luxury-box sales, nearly the entire Kittens roster was released in the off-season.

Several players car-pooled (in a refugee boat) to the nearby city of Seoul. The 2006 season will see the Flowers' starting lineup in Seoul blue when Edgerrin James, Tom Brady, Donald Driver, Derrick Mason, and Mark Clayton suit up against the returning champion Gay Momz this week. With luck the "ex-Flowers" curse will continue, and these players will follow the path of Keenan McCardell - forever stinking once they leave the island.

In happier news, returning from last year are Antonio Gates, Frank Gore, Julius Peppers, Doug Gabriel and the beast known as Matt Jones. The rest of the team has been filled with a "not ready for primetime" players like Chester Taylor and Heath Miller. Will these orphaned players spell success for the Flowers?? HISTORY SAYS YES!!!!

RYAN HOWARD NOW BACK-HANDING HOMERS!!

Port Moresby - Ryan Howard has begun to bat in an unorthodox, back-handed manner. He is holding the bat with only one hand, and swatting limp-wristedly at the ball. He is continuing to hit Home Runs!!

The great Howard said“He's meant a lot as far as being able to watch him play and see what he does. One of the things he told me was to stay on an even plane and slow everything down. I watched him growing up, and to learn from him now has been great.”

This was, of course, referring to Baseball great Ryan Howard himself!!!

Howard Dongs Again!!

Greensburg - Ryan Howard has hit another "yarder", and has surpassed the modern-era Kittens record, set in 1999 by Albert Belle. In the middle of a suicide squeeze, Howard bunted the ball with such force that it impaled Carlos Zambrano and then launched the portly central american into the upper deck.

Is there any limit to Howard's power? So far, leading scientists do not think so. As recently as last week Howard swung his bat in such a fashion as to strike the souls of all of the Greensburg players that had "irritated" him during the year, immediately disabling Roger Clemens, Chipper Jones, Scott Kazmir, Nomar Garciaparra, and Manny Ramierez. Luckily for the Barfielders faithful, the organization is run in such a "cut-and-run" manner that they were immediately replaced by a "scab" crew of non-union chumps.

KITTENS PENANT FEVER!!!!!

PORT MORESBY - The waning weeks of fall once again bring the fans of the Baseball PFFL to a stupendous frenzy, where tears are shed over wasted talent and beautiful "double plays" alike. This year is no exception, and the tears are extra extreme this time around because of the wild and out of control play off picture!!!!

The Port Moresby Flowers are only 10 points out of first place, due largely to the superior play of Ryan Howard. Howard-mania has swept the depressing and criminally infested streets of Port Moresby, where millions of Port Moresbians have taken to wearing black in tribute to the baddest, blackest man on the planet. (see picture) With every "tater" Howard blasts out of the stadium, fires are set, babies are smashed, and wild week-long celebrations commence. In fact, often the riot proceeding one homer has not even ended by the time the next "dinger" is blasted!

Mistakes were made!!

Scottsdale - In a last-second move, Port Moresby management traded Mike Anderson and Steven Jackson to Scottsdale, recieving Dante Culpepper and Chester Taylor in return.

Riots were immediate.

Enraged Hafner Dooms Future of Kittens

Port Moresby - A sad and silent gloom hung over the crowd at Office Depot field this evening, as the beaten and torn body of Albert Pujols was first shown to the fans that loved him.

Currently being kept alive by an artificial oblique muscle, the hitting volcano that is Pujols is dormant. Thousands of fans wept tears of pity and anger, pity for the destitute family of Albert Pujols (who makes a meager 14mil a year) and anger for Travis Hafner.

One of the more disturbing acts of modern fantasy baseball history unfolded this weekend during the customary "trading ritual" of the PFFL. As team management from the Kittens lined up on one side of the "big trade" bridge with management from Infrontofu on the other, there was a certain electricity to the air. Everyone was palpably excited, and occasionally someone would shoot a pistol into the air. It was awesome up to that point.

When the trade was finally ready, the players from each side walked to the center of the bridge, passed one another, and then continued to their new team. Or so it should have been. Immediately after passing the handsome and well-loved Pujols, something clearly snapped in the man-beast Travis Hafner's thick animal skull. He spun and lifted Pujols into the air, and then immediately began to eat Pujol's heavily muscled oblique muscle. A bystander commented "By the time Hafner had been restrained by Jason [Bay] and Scott [Rolen], there was blood and gore and batting average just spilling out of that guy."

Pujols was pronounced dead at the scene, but then apparently defeated the grim reaper in a home-run derby, thereby earning the right to continue his life.

GUESS PUJOLS IS COMING TO DINNER!!!!???!?!?!

Port Moresby - An announcement today from the front offices of the Kittens confirms that the Blockbuster deal of the century will return inhuman hitting machine Albert Pujols to the city of Port Moresby. The news was greeted with widespread rioting, fires, "street" celebrations and also more fires.

Many of you will remember Pujols (pictured here on left) coming up through the Port Moresby farm system. In 1980, the then 19 year old hit 1.200 with the AA Rabaul Airpuffs, setting a batting-average record. This was, of course, before the banning of Pujo's famous "double hit" where he would swing and get a hit and then immediately swing and hit the ball again before the ball managed to escape him.

Pujols has made a quite a name for himself since then, unfortunately all while wearing Infrontofu pinstripes. Thank goodness Kittens management was able to pull off this trade, sending team mascot Travis Hafner, team anchor Chone Figgins, and team designated driver Mike Mussina away. As a long time sports columnist I litereally can not think of a single thing that could go wrong with this deal.

Viva Los Pujols!!!!

The Kittens Bullpen is more like a PIGPEN!!!111!!

Port Moresby- Obesity is an epidemic that effects all sorts of "regular" people. It is a worldwide problem that causes the early deaths of hundreds of thousands of people every year, and is a leading cause of heart disease, diabetis, and lardation.

This very serious issue in now even influencing something that matters: Of course we're talking about the relief pitching of the Kittens.

The Kittens bullpen currently has about a million pitchers in it, and basically all of of them are obese. In order to increase social pressure on these awfully unshapely men, we've decided to do a feature piece on each of their fat asses.

Our first overweight closer is Bob Wickman. In addition to being really fat, he is really bald. He is also a millionaire!!! He is basically your dad, but with a better changeup.

King fatso is Armando Benitez (pictured below.) Earlier this season he was quoted as saying "I can get as fat as I want. What are you going to do, use Tim Worell?"

Benitez's buddy and enabler is young closer Jorge Julio. He's mostly just got a fat head.

Ryan Dempster is also very fat. He got hit by a bus and said "stop pushin."

Anyway, pitching coach David Wells is reportedly threatening to consume any players that are big enough to be a complete meal for him. This should, presumably, force our fat friends to slim down. In the meantime, when you see these majestic men lumbering around the streets of Port Moresby, help them out! Yell " HEY YOU FAT FUCK LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT, I'M GOING TO PUKE JUST LOOKING AT YOUR FAT SACK OF SHIT FACE"

Go Kittens!!!

Around the League

AP - Some strange activity this week in the PFFL, as teams from pathetic small "loser" towns try to compete with the big money market teams of Greensburg and Port Moresby. How these "small fry" and "boondock" villages still manage to put together a team is astounding at times. A complete look around the league, as of press:

1st Place: Port Moresby Kittens
The Kittens started and ended the week in first place, a feat never accomplished in the PFFL. They also managed to shed clubhouse pariah Cliff Lee in a deal that brought in orphaned loners Bill Hall and Craig Wilson. As Wilson and Hall were released from their shipping crates, the light of freedom caused them to weep tears of joy. Also, in a move labeled as "haughty" and "overconfident" they traded away the best closer in the game (BJ Ryan) and the best third baseman (Troy Glaus). In exchange for these fine baseballers the Kittens organization received Ryan Dempster and Ambriorix Burgos, two below average chumps. Will these trades work out in the end? HISTORY SAYS YES.

2nd Place: Barfield of Dreams
Another sad and weird week from the Barfielders, as management capped an excellent set of aquisitions (the aforementioned Ryan and Lee) with a typical and yet bizzare demand to league offices. While frequent meandering rants from the flamboyant Barfield owner are common and politely tolerated, this week they may have gone too far. Demands (presented in a series of handwritten letters) called for a change in the amount of innings played per game, the size of the strike zone, the distance between the basepaths, and lastly how ERA will be determined for used-up has-been lefties like Randy Johnson.

3rd Place: The Great Ones
The Great Ones (owned by the children of the great Phil Niekro) managed to climb into third place behind the strong play of Matt Holiday and Johan Santana. The fans of The Great Ones continue to chant "There's a reason why they list me on top right now. Yahoo! predicts me to win." which was, at the beginning of the season, their unimaginative rallying cry to early victory. Since that week, however, it has become somewhat of a "joke" among league insiders, one source going as far as calling it "pathetic."

4th Place: The Aqua Teens
Notradeclause Field was the home of intense rioting this week when it was leaked that Jessica Alba threated to sexualize the entire fan base of the Aqua Teens in exchange for trinkets and beads. Aqua Teens management was quick to veto the trade, and therefore draw the wrath of their "fans."

5th Place: Langosteros
The Langosteros only succeeded due to the play of Magglio Ordonez, who used to play for the Kittens. Said Mags "I wish I could go back and play for the Kittens."

6th Place: The TERPS
TERPS ownership revealed this week that despite being somehow related to the management of the hoes, their management styles actually differ by quite a lot. The TERPS released this information through a giant loudspeaker, first quieting the crowd with a 120 decible "TERPS SPEAKS"

7th Place: RON CEY
A plane crashed into their stadium and injured everyone.

8th Place: Roadrunners
Attempted to connect via yahoo IM

9th Place: hoes
Was unavailable for comment. Management has infuriated the press due to vanishing, and not answering the hard questions like "Are you there" and "Does anyone manage this team?"Criticism has been especially tough in regards to forcing Javy Lopez to suit up and lay comatose behind the plate for every game. This forces their pitchers to run to home and retrieve every pitch, wearing them out.

10th Place: Infrontofu
The scary mobster/vampire joint venture team has been unable to hold things together. Albert Pujols is now playing pitcher, catcher, 2nd, and center field simultaniously. This allows him to bat 4 times more frequently, but unfortunately impacts his defensive play.

11th Place: Cape Cod Kernels 12th Place: WAGABAZAS
The two teams owned by scary siamese-twin billionaire Bostonian ex-patriot telepaths remained the the cellar of the PFFL. WAGBAG pitcher Kevin Millwood posted at 47.00 ERA on the week, while Kernels pitcher Kris Benson posted a somewhat more respectable 19.00 ERA, but fucked a supermodel every night.

New Stadium for Port Moresby

Port Moresby - In the off-season, the recent improvements to the stadiums located in Madang and Mount Hagen intensified pressure on Kittens management to put together a comprehensive refurbishment package for the dual use Seabass Memorial Office Depot Stadium. These plans finally came to fruition this week when construction was completed on the new field.

During the unveiling a team publicist was quoted as saying "The PFFL is known for its amazing stadiums. Greensburg's Magic Beans Field is known the world over for their gormet corn-shell tacos, bunless burgers, and free AIDS screenings. The Roadrunners wouldn't be the team we know without the Pink Monster and the fact that their glory-hole bathroom stalls are still made out of real wood. Even the Aqua Teens' NoTradeClauseDome is world-reknown for its ability to thumb an architechtural thumb at God himself (due to it's overwhelming ugliness , clumsy and inept construction, and general emotional spite towards the human condition.) Today Port Moresby joins this illustrious list of professional sports stadiums. Thank you!"

All around the league, people have been spitting out their coffee in amazement at the new stadium. Said one Kittens fan "Hey look at the Stadium that the Hoes are playing in! It is clearly being run in an ABSENTEE fashion. It's like no one is there, ever."

The Wild Ride That is Success

Port Moresby - Like a modern day Icharus, Port Moresby Management has flown too close to the sun; they now fall - aflame, tumbling, and humbled.

The owner of the Kittens (pictured here in his only known public appearance) drew accolades through thursday afternoon as his clever gamesmanship steered the Kittens from the cellar of the division to the rooftop. Clutch performances by Troy Glaus, Chone Figgins, and the entire starting rotation had reinvigorated a sluggish Kittens lineup.

Even the living embarassment known as Travis Hafner had contributed this week, thanks to the new "DH Chain", a heavy chain (attached to both Hafner and the ground) that provides alternative protection spectators and players. It replaced the "Hafner Cage", a crippling cage filled with spikes/spines that hampered Hafner's swing, follow-through, and ability to charge into the stands. While the chain still limits Hafner to playing DH (it will not allow him access to several parts of the field), it does allow more freedom to swing. Hafner rewarded his handlers with a .393 average, 4 homers, and 14 RBI; he also partially consumed a rosin bag.

Beastly accomplishments aside, thursday afternoon became thursday evening, and things quickly turned tragic for Port Moresby. Fueled by the rioting that has accompanied their meteoric accent, Management went on a bender. When all was said and done, it was clear that embarassing trades had been made. The only comment (scrawled on the sidewalk outside the team headquarters in feces) was simply "Abiorix, Chone, Tadahito"

More on the fallout from these trades next week, unless they are vetoed by an increasingly hostile PFFL.

Barfielders Management : Crazed WBC Fan

Greensburg - Strange things are afoot at the top of the "Baseball PFFL". Barfield of Dreams ownership have apparently eaten some of their own magic beans and traded their closer (Ryan Dempster), best player (Derrick Lee), and excellent starter (Tim Hudson) for the angry young WBC superstar Carlos Zambrano.

The "Z-Dawg", as Barfield managment has taken to calling him, has looked awful this year since his excellent play in the WBC. He nonetheless garnered a trade in exchange for the entire emotional core of the Barfielders, causing Adam "When it comes to having sex with men, I am never" Dunn to weep openly when he discovered he would be seperated from Ryan "Cumdumpster" Dempster.

League sources were unavailable for comment, though Jason Bay was heard saying "Thank God I'm off that sinking ship, the ship that is leading the league."

Week 3 Update

Port Moresby - Finally, the Kittens have gotten around to shedding the fat to GET LEAN! The recent trade of Manny Ramierez and Grady Siezmore to Cape Cod has in one fell swoop rid the team of all the clubhouse cancer. It was, to quote league insiders, "Like Chemotherapy" (the painless and always successful cancer treatment.) Also traded was Matt Clement, who was more like a clubhouse polyp.

In the trade the Kittens received three players with names that are either nonsense or simply crude sexual terms: Chone Figgins, BJ Ryan and Oscar Villarreal. They are (in layman's terms) a Speedy Gonzalez, a Foghorn Leghorn, and a Marvin the Martian. Kittens management raved about their aquisitions saying "We are proud to recieve these decent players in trade for our superstars. Little does Cape Cod Management know, but our Poison Pill was Matt Clement. He will give them one decent start, and then immediately shit the bed. VICTORY!"

Barfield Management was less kind, calling the trade a "mistake" and a "panic" move.

Kittens Rocket into 2006

Port Moresby - The Kittens may not have the rich history or wild success of their football counterparts, the famed Port Moresby Flowers, but don't tell that to this spring's free agent signings. At pre-season camp this year there was a buzz in the air as the new players met for the first time, looked around, and realized that the new Kittens bore little resemblance to the underperforming "lovable losers" in years past.

Kittens management was praised by industry insiders when they signed Jimmy Rollins, Manny Ramierez, Grady Siezemore, Ryan Howard, Joe Mauer, Troy Glaus, Freddie Garcia, Cliff Lee, Tadahito Iguchi, Matt Murton, Bob Wickman, Matt Clement, Mike Mussina, Adam Rowand, Mags, Farny, Howitzer, Benitez, Henhouse, K-Rog, and some other guys. The signings put them just under the salary cap that does not exist anymore.

The only move this off-season that has been universally panned was the aquisition of Man-Beast Travis Hafner. Derisively nicknamed "pronk" by his teammates ( he is supposedly part professional baseball player, part retard, part kiddle [the dog food]), he has quickly become a burden and nuisance that aggrivates the team. During spring training he has regularly been chased around the park by local children, who beat him with sticks and rocks. His muscled and gutteral screams sometimes rise to such a pitch as to drown out the cheering by the Kittens faithful. This, of course, only inspires further beatings.

Aside from Hafner (an obvious mid-season cut) it looks like the Kittens have a strong core of players that will stick with the team for the long haul. In specific Kenny Rogers, Matt Clement, Magglio Ordonez, Kyle Farnsworth, Bob Howry, and Grady Siezmore all signed a contract stating that they would never ever leave the Kittens ever ever. They further stipulated that any such move would be against their convictions, and that their hearts belonged to Port Moresby. Clay Hensley was quoted as saying "I will never leave the Kittens, even if I give up like 4 runs in the only inning I ever pitch for them."

Let's hope everyone gets to play together all year long!!!!

Finals

Ryan Moats Steals The Children's Dreams

Superbbowl - While the entire Flowers team showed up in force for the Superbbowl to take on the much-rivaled Gay Momz...Ryan Moats did not.

He was all drunk and unrespectful and ruined it for everyone. The Tardo Twins had their best game and most likely will be victims of the salary cap in the offseason. The great team is going to be dismantled and it is all the fault of Ryan Moats.

Christ, we were so close. It is also part the fault of Nate Kaeding, who couldn't make 1 field goal, or Carson Palmer who threw one interception at the end of the game just for kicks. FUCK.

Incredible Victory in H-Town

H-Town- The Flowers' up and down season took another turn this week, as the Flowers defeated the H-Town Balcoholics 90.93-76.89. The Balcoholics had been on a tear in recent weeks, and hadn't scored less than 100 points since week 9 - they had won four of their last five and nearly finished the season in first place. The Flowers, on the other hand, were in the midst of the worst losing streak of the franchise's proud history.

What came next was something for the record books. The normally balmy H-Town suffered sub-zero temperatures, catching the fair-weather team off guard. The Flowers, used to the earthquakes, insect plagues and monsoons that constantly trouble Port Moresby, had little problem with this change in weather. They bore down and stifled the Balcoholics in an impressive defensive struggle, holding them to their lowest point total since week 2.

Standouts for the Flowers included Carson Palmer (3 TD, 2 INT) and the new superstar Ryan Moats (78 YDS, TD).

BACK ON THE AIR

Port Moresby - Due to the recent earthquake centered near Port Moresby, there has been a recent dearth in Flowers reporting. Many of the Flowers starters and media have been selflessly helping the victims of this quake, staying up late and missing practices in order to aid these poor, unfotunate New Gueneans.

In an unfortunate show of non-solidarity, players from both South Dakota and Pasadena refused to help out the many people left destitute by the earthquake. They instead practiced hard and won their late season games against the valliant Flowers, who were (as mentioned earlier) tired and exhausted from all their humanitarian work.

For their inhumane behavior, the Roamers and Math were universally panned. They slunk into the consolation bracket (Roamers) or simply the gutter (Math).

These losses plunged the Flowers into third place to end the season. With the damage finally repaired, will the Flowers again be able to take the field and succeed? HISTORY SAYS YES GO FLOWERS.

Brady Blows it again, Palmer's Head Explodes

Burbank - The well oiled machine known as the Port Moresby Flowers is no more. The Flowers fell again sunday, losing by approximately 50 points to the lowly Testeverdes. With two losses in their last three games, the Flowers can potentially fall out of first place next week- a position they've held the entire year.

This loss was quickly blamed on coaching decisions, as several players on the bench were clearly better than those who played.

This was never more apparent than in the play of Tom Brady over Carson Palmer. Tom Brady's sub-sub par performance was only offset by the pre-game announcement that he now suffers from the crippling disease known as Downs Syndrome (MONGOLOID.) Despite this announcement, made over the stadium speakers, Brady was still allowed to play and start - infuriating Carson Palmer. Palmer was so insensed (after Brady's fourth interception) that his head literally exploded. He's listed as probable for next week.

Said Brady " Passing is fun! Do you want to play catch with me? Greg [Wesley] is my friend, I throw to him! "

Flowers Win Again, Fans Apathetic

PORT MORESBY - Another win by the Flowers, this time a simple 138.04 to 91.53 defeat of the once proud Nasau Nashers. While many Flowers fans were eagerly anticipating a spirited rematch versus the team that earlier defeated the Flowers (handing them their first loss in week 2), their anticipation quickly turned to apathy.

The game was, in a nutshell, a boring and easily predicted blowout. Fans were seen yawning and leaving the stadium in droves as soon as the second quarter, and the Port Moresby coaching staff began drinking far earlier than normal.

Standout performances in the unexciting contest included Carson Palmers 222 yards passing with 3 TDs, and the defense getting 3 sacks, 3 fumbles recovered, and 2 interceptions. Even the statisticians were bored, however, and these numbers were unverified.

In other news, the Greensburg Gay Momz quaterback Jake "The Joke" Plummer is set and ready to shit the bed.

Ogre signed.

Port Moresby - A sad state of affairs this weekend, as the match between the Port Moresby Flowers and the Greensburg Gay Momz instead turned into a slaughter. With Carson Palmer and Antonio Gates sitting out in order to "...make the game more interesting", an uninspired Flowers crew fell to the mercenary outfit known as the Gay Momz.

The Momz have made waves around the league due to their high-profile free agent signings, as well as their steadfast disloyalty to all their players. Nary a week has gone by without Momz management cutting a promising young rookie or ruining a valiant veteran's chance to retire with the city they love.

This "new brand" of football has served them well, however, and they enter the week a suprising 6-4 and with the possibility of making the playoffs for the first time. While football purists are shamed by their actions, the Momz feel that the "honor" and "sportsmanship" of the game should take second seat to the new ideals of "winning percentage" and "points."

In response, the Flowers this week cut aspiring young TE Jeremy Wiggins, and replaced him with a partially shaved mountain gorilla. The young gorilla, known affectionately as "Matt Jones" will play slot reciever.

Terrible Owens Joins Favre in AZ

Arizona - In the continuing soap-opera/demolition-derby which is Terrell Owen's life, the plot was just thrown for a loop. His outrageous behavior coupled with his on-field dominance led many in the media to ignore the dire state of the world and to simply focus on his increasing irrational demands.

Owens clashed with Flower management this summer and earned a one-week exile from training camp after a heated dispute. This led to a bizarre workout on his lawn in front of neighbors and reporters.

Owens got in trouble this time after taking shots at the team and quarterbacks Carson Palmer and Tom Brady in an interview with ESPN.com on Thursday.

Owens was upset there was no in-stadium acknowledgment of his boorish, childish and irresponsible actions in a victory over San Diego on Oct. 23. An announcement was made in the press box.

"That right there just shows you the type of class and integrity that they claim not to be, they claim to be first class and the best organization. It's an embarrassment. It just shows a lack of class they have. My publicist talked to the head PR guy, and that PR guy spoke with his assistant, and that assistant apparently talked to the owner's brother over drinks. They said everything was set, so that when I chop blocked [head referee] Bill [Anderson] the celebration would begin. But that was a blatant lie. Had it been somebody else, they probably would have popped fireworks around the stadium."

Owens also said the Eagles would be undefeated with Arizona's Brett Favre at quarterback.

"A number of commentators will say he's a warrior, he's played with injuries," Owens said, referring to Favre. "I feel like him being knowledgeable about the quarterback position, I feel like we'd probably be in a better situation. Like he would throw three picks, and then a touchdown to me, Terrell Owens. He would then throw three more picks, and then another touchdown to me, Terrell Owens. We would be undefeated."

Following this new conference T.O. announced his retirement from football, and his desire to join the Arizona Bears in "whatever capacity available." As of press time, Arizona has accepted T.O. with welcome arms. While management was unavailable for comment, Larry Johnson went on record as being excited that the Bears finally have "A player, or civilian, or whatever he is now on the team. It'll be great to finally hear how terrible our offensive coordinator is, as well as how badly we all stink. I'm hoping they give him a bunch the money they had earmarked for me, and that he will insinuate that I have the AIDS during his first contract dispute."

Signings from around the league

Strange things are afoot in the PFFL, with Halloween weekend only a lame excuse.

For starters there was an absurd bidding/waiver wire war for Rod Smith, who had earlier been cut from the Balcoholics. League insiders were dumbfounded by the amount of interest and cautious smacktalk that the pickup warrented.

Another bizzare pickup was the Gay Momz employing Drew Bennett. From the AP " Wide receiver Drew Bennett returned to practice Wednesday, but he is still sporting a cast to protect his injured thumb and was limited to running routes with the scout team." This means the Gay Momz will most likely be sitting Drew Bennett until he heals up and is able to catch lots of passes from the walking corpse known as Steve McNair.

Last but certainly strangest was Los Chinchillas's addition of Vinnie Testeverde, the mascot of the Burbank Testeverdes. While last year the Long Beach Lusters had great success playing the Philly Fanatic at Tight End, no one considered that the same idea could possibly work twice. Only time will tell if the gimmick-laden Chinchillas know what they're doing.

The lone bright spot in movement this week was Burbank's cutting of Dante Culpepper, AKA Mr. No-Show, AKA Dante's Inferno, AKA Dante Chokepeper, AKA Dante NoMoss, AKA Captain Asshole of the Love Cruise. He ended the season with 6 TDs and 12 INTs, and there has been some question as to the health of his knee. It was last seen being backwards and only held on by a little scrap of tendon.

HA!

Port Moresby- The mysterious city of H-Town this week dropped out of the "elite", and became simply the top team in the muddled middle of the PFFL.

The wake up call came hard for the Balcoholics, who came into the season a suprising 6-1. The loss leaves them in a good position to make the playoffs, but with little hope to capture the top seed.

For the game, their bizzare quarterback rotation fielded league pariah Aaron Brooks, who earlier this very seaon played poorly for the Flowers. During the season the Balcoholics have started a virtual encyclopedia of terrible quarterbacks including Joey Harrington, Kurt Warner, Tim Rattay, Gus Ferrote and finally Brooks. Brooks was determined to make a statement, and to let the Flowers know they made a mistake by letting him go.

Brooks did make a statement, completing 14 of 31 passes for a whopping 181 yards. In the process he threw only one interception and was sacked 6 times, once for a safety. After the game, Brooks said "Did you see that I only thew one interception!? That is literally the best I've done all year."

Brooks' poor play was a contributing factor to the loss by the Balcoholics, who in the end took a serious drubbing, losing 143.22-92.22. The biggest factor in this whipping was 30-foot tall Antonio Gates, who caught 10 balls for 145 yards and three touchdowns. After his second touchdown, Gates retrieved Brooks from the sideline and proceeded to spike the chump into the endzone in celebration. Derrick Mason was seen rolling around in laughter.

Other highlights for the Flowers included basically every player on the roster, with the exception of Doug Gabriel. His dull-witted stare contributed in his ability to catch zero balls for zero yards. When asked, Carson Palmer said "Shit, if LT can play quarterback and Kordell Stewert can play wide receiever, maybe someday soon Gabriel will learn to play his own position."

Flowers Destroy Trojans!

LaJolla - The Flowers reached midseason at a league-leading 6-1 with their 126.41-88.82 win over the Trojans. Standouts for the Flowers included Edgerrin James (139 yd, 2 TD) and Donald "The Duck" Driver (114, 1 TD). The win was distinguised by Carson Palmer's worst game of the season, a 21 for 37 performance for 227 yards and 2 interceptions. Said Palmer " I refuse to rock out until you trade Pretty Boy [Tom] Brady!"

The Trojans dropped to 3-4, just out of playoff contention. While their owner was unavailable for comment, Jerry Porter summed up their team as "a pack of wild, uncontrollable beasts. Not in a terrifying manner, have you, but more simply that we are without discipline and shit all over the place."

Next week will feature a matchup against the 6-1 Balcoholics, with the entire league looking on while they determine who controls first place. On monday the Balcoholics announced their future plans to trade Santanna Moss and Steve Smith for a sack of magic beans. After the trade Ron Mexico has announced plans to eat the beans and throw for three touchdowns, a feat that he has never accomplished in one game.

Port Moresby : A Wall of Stone

Chinchilla, Mexico - The Flowers came into week 7 with a mission : to stop the high-flying air attack of the dreaded Chinchillas. They were able to do just that, holding the trio of Chinchilla recievers to zero catches for zero yards in a dominant 120.17-59.65 win. The Tampa Bay defensive unit accomplished this through constant pressure on Trent Dilfer, who ended up the day 16-30 with an interception.

Said Donald Driver "While we have a lot of respect for our fellow professionals, Trent Dilfer clearly is a terrible, terrible quarterback. They should go get someone off the waiver wire like Kurt Warner, who threw 16 less incompletions this week and one less interception." Derek Mason was more vocal: standing atop a downed Chinchilla linemen late in the game, he grabbed a sideline reporter and announced "FLOWERS AIN'T COMING OUT STRONG, WE'RE ALREADY [uninteligible], BITCH! WE AIN'T STOPPIN, WE [uninteligible] DEATH!"

This win was the fourth straight for the surging Flowers, and kept them in a tie for first in the division. With a head to head matchup vs the Balcoholics looming in week 8, the Flowers can assure themselves a spot in a playoff with two more consecutive wins. Said Tom Brady "Two is the same as one, is the same as none. All is together."

If that doesn't sum up Flower football, I don't know what does.

Flowers have their own CIVIL WAR!

No slaves were involved this time, kinda.

Port Moresby- When Michael Jenkins was re-signed this week, the Flowers faithful were jubilent. There had long been cries for a genuine third reciever to aid T.O. and Donald Driver, and Jenkins' signing purported to fill that role. All was well and good until Jenkins arrived at Office Depot stadium, and he locked eyes on Terrell Owens.

In what has been widely reported as a "cat fight", Owens and Jenkins immediately began a round of hair-pulling and kicking. Immediate reports seem confused as to the cause of the disturbance, but insiders quietly point to the fact that T.O. has and always will hate Jenkins.

After the fight was broken up (and Micheal Jenkins was allowed to fix his weave) Flowers management leveled heavy penalties against participating players. One game suspensions for Owens, Donald Driver, and Marcell Shipp. How will this affect the upcoming game?

Another blowout by the Flowers!

Pasadena Funeral

Pasadena - Pasadena defensive end Paul Spicer left the team after his brother was shot to death in Indianapolis. The Roamers play the Gay Momz this week, and an easy win is now in doubt with the possibility that the Roamers play without their star defensive player.

The 23-year-old Hillman was found in his car dead of apparent multiple gunshot wounds, Sgt. Steve Staletovich of the Indianapolis Police Department said. Police were called about 5 a.m. on Oct. 13 after witnesses reported hearing gunshots. No suspects have been arrested.

There is nothing funny about getting shot to death.

EVERYONE PAYS!

Port Moresby - Another amazing last minute win by the Flowers, who are quickly establishing themselves as the most handsome team in the league. This week the big loser was the Pasadena Roamers, who fall to 2-3. The Flowers, with this win, continue their dominant ways, and keep their share of first place.

The day was filled with highlights, but perhaps none were as fantastic as the punch that Ronde Barbe landed on some old referee. There had been a handful of calls against the Flowers, and player/coach Tom Brady sent Barber in to "enforce the unwritten rules of the game" - and enforce he did! In a spectacular display of physical prowess, the 6'1" Barber (240lbs) decked and flattened his opponent. The Port Moresby faithful went wild, while the half-blind zebra was weepy and repentant.

No further flags were thrown against the Flowers. Said Derrick Mason "BITCHES THE FLOWERS AINT NOTHING TO FUCK WIT!"

Math DESTROYED

This may or may not be Willie Parker, who may or may not have Breast Cancer.

South Dakota - In an unsuprising turn of events, the South Dakota Math were totally destroyed this week. What was suprising, however, was the unwillingness of Willie Parker to take the field. Said the coward " I just can't get on the same field with those fearsome Tampa Bay bruisers and that dashing young Leonard Little. What if I were to scuff my vest!? The horror." The owner of Math was unavailable for comment.

With the final score coming in at 116.99-79.99, the Flowers increased their record to 3-1 and took over posession of first place (due to tiebreakers). Also at 3-1 are the Artie-Manning concieved Trojans and the very very old Roamers, though they both are looking sorry and ready to call it quits for the season.

Next week's competetion against the Padadena Roamers will have trappings of a playoff game due to their records, albeit a playoff game where the Flowers win and the Roamers go home to cry about it. When asked about their chance of victory, Roamers quarterback Matt Hasselbeck appeared confused and then returned to eating his lunch. When pressed, he stated in a restrained manner "I'm trying to enjoy my delicious sandwich, please stop asking me about our obvious defeat next week."

Keenan McCardell Upset!

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Port Moresby - Keenan McCardell went on record today complaining about Flowers management. His long winded tirade centered around the Flowers having him on the trading block for over fourweeks. In that time McCardell has been one of the Flowers' most suprising stars, totalling 257 yards and four touchdown receptions.

McCardell explained "When I was a young man, I worked the steam-train line as a bellboy. Every night I'd go to sleep on my goose feather mattress under the stars (which were in different positions in the sky because it was so fucking long ago) and dream about being an NFL player. Well here I am, centuries later and I am not about to sit here quietly while I am being disrespected." McCardell then turned off his hearing aid in order to easily ignore reporters' questions.

Burbank Defeated!

The Ancient Mummy tries to throw a 10 yard bomb

Burbank - The Flowers did it again this week, posting a 108.19-99.57 victory over the Burbank Testeverdes. Keenan McCardell led the Flowers with four catches for 80 yards and two scores. It is interesting to note that while Keenan McCardell is a really old man that has no business in sports, he is nearly 7 years younger than Vinnie Testaverde (born 1963).

Other highlights by the Flowers included Edgerrin James' 108 yard, 1 TD performance as well as Terrell Owens' 80 yards and 1 TD. A mar to the game was the possible injury of Steven Jackson, but test results have not yet been released. Also, Vinnie Testeverde was born the year that Kennedy was assasinated in Dallas, Texas.

The coaching staff was prepared to come under heavy criticism for their last minute pickup of league pariah Aaron Brooks, as well as their more startling move of making him the immediate starter. With the win, the handsome and charasmatic owner of the Flowers appears to be vindicated and possibly a genius.

The only dissent after the win came from whiny Carson Palmer who once again griped "I am the best [quarterback] on this team right now!" Derrick Mason then said "I am also the greatest, and Ruben [Droughns] can eat a dick." Droughns was unavailable for comment, because his mom's phone got cut off because she's so poor. Droughns is widely known to still live at home with his (fat) mother.

In response to his weekly outbusts, it looks like the Flowers management has decided to start Palmer next week against the fearsome Math. When asked about his second week of demotion, Tom Brady replied "I am at peace with all decisions, and all dreams mirror reality." This was especially strange considering that in 1963 (the year Vinnie Testaverde was born), Dr. Martin Luther King gave his famous "I have a dream" speech.

Gay Momz employ Molestee

Coles got molested and is telling everyone.

Greensburg - Even more shocking news from the world of professional fantasy football. It seems that the Greensburg Gay Momz are putting a troubled young man on the field, a man that was molested.

While other teams have managed to staff entire rosters without any molested players, it seems the Gay Momz don't think that the unwritten rules of sports apply to them. Their blatant flaunting of molestee Lavernues Coles' past sexual history has sent the entire league into a tizzy. What will the flamboyant leader of the Gay Momz do next?

Coles (who was molested) in an interview earlier this week, said "I haven't talked about [molestation] in … forever, but I know that holding something like [being molested] inside has been a burden for so long...For [a man that was molested as a child] to get on this platform that I have, having been in the league and have all the media attention that we have, I think [molestation]'s something that should be said."

Humiliations!

Port Moresby - Terrell Owens held a press conference this morning detailing the Flowers' humiliating defeat on sunday. The flashy, overpaid and near-holdout star of the Flowers was clearly emotional as he read from a prepared statement. "I always do what I can to inflate my own ego, dismiss or insult my fellow professionals, and buy more diamond earrings. Yesterday, that came back to haunt me as my fantastic and selfish play got in in the way of two very imporant things : winning and not losing."

The rambling, often incoherent Owens then broke down and wept.

The Flowers management had far more to say, and also far more to cry about. With the loss, the Flowers fall to 1-1, their lowest point of the season so far. Also, with basically every player on the team playing as well as possible, there was clearly frustration in the air after losing. Carson Palmer was seen walking around the sidelines with a cloud hanging over his head. When the backup was asked about his role on the bench, he paused and then spoke quietly through his gritted teeth " If I were in this goddamned game we would have won. That pretty boy Brady is FUCKING US OVER". He was then restrained by teammates.

Fallout from the loss was immediate, with Domanic Rhodes, Julius Peppers, and Sebastian Jankowski all being immediately fired and thrown off the team. Peppers was clearly the most distraught, seeing as how he was the acting player/coach, although the cut could not have come as a suprise. His only legible comment was "DEATH." Janikowski and Rhodes were unavailable for comment.

The entire Bears' defensive squad re-joined the team immediately following the game, after coaches watched their play against the kitchen staff team. The Bears join Leonard Little and Neil Rackers as recent additions. After the Bears arrived, Nathan Vasher was seen roughing up Ronde Barber almost immediately, while the rest of the Flowers stood around in a circle laughing.

Lots of movement from the Flowers

Port Moresby -

Wow! What a week to report!!! There have been movements all around the league, with several high impact vets getting CHOPPED! You may notice that the Flowers dropped the entire Bears defense, as well as the underperfoming running back DeShawn Foster.

Stephen Alexander also was cut, which will surely hurt the Flowers' salary cap next year. The loss of all 11 Bears starters means that the team will be relying on the ancient and all wise defense of Tampa Bay in order to stop the Nashers this week. No offensive linemen have yet been signed, nor have any plans been made to compensate for this very strange tactic. An insider with the organization mentioned possibly playing "iron man" football.

In stranger news, Michael Jenkins was brought in to backup the demonically talented and retarded Terrell Owens. Unfortunately, Owens was visibly scared after seeing his reflection in Jenkins' bright smile and immediately forced Flowers management to trade Jenkins away.

Jenkins' spot on the bench will be held by Dominic Rhodes, who spent his first day in camp tieing Edgerrin James' shoes and fetching his water. When asked for a comment, Rhodes simply sighed and replied "With Luck, Edge will break his head open. I could really use some carries, as the performance clauses in my contract are really the only reason I play."

Reuben Droughns, another mid-week addition was seen playing with children's games and laughing at simple humor.

Kevin Curtis spent his first week for the Flowers on the bench, where even lowly Derrick Mason gave him shit. Said Mason "Look at you! Can't even get on the field, and I, the great Derrick Mason get to play nearly ever week. HA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!111!!one!"

Gay Momz employ Beater of Women

Greensburg - Yet again, a disgusting choice from the front offices of Professional Fantasy Football. The Gay Momz are gleefully employing the scumbag Larry Johnson, who in his spare time beats women. These include girlfriends and just ladies that happen to cross his path.

Said Johnson " "This is something I...want to be named...a woman beater because that is...my M.O.," he said Wednesday. "That is...how I was raised."

The owner of the Flowers was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman said "We were hoping to draft him in a later round, but because of his obvious character issues we were unable to get him before the Gay Momz took him off the board. He's an obviously talented individual, and also seems to really enjoy striking women or throwing them to the ground."

Gay Momz are Soundly Defeated

Greensburg - An expected clash of the titans ended up being a dominant game by the Flowers. Despite starting the half stupid Donald Driver across from the nearly retired Keenan McCardell, the Flowers were able to dominate both sides of the ball this sunday.

Were the Flowers that good, or were the Gay Momz simply that bad? The Gay Momz, who came out of the tunnel in an dazed stupor, were full of excuses and complaints. Said team skipper Ladanian Tomlinson: " I thought this was going to be more like training camp where we lept around while our one-tittied ladyfriends watched and Mike [Clayton] sang in falsetto...[we] never expected to have to deal with these ravishing brutes and their excellent play." Ladanian then wept in a girlish fashion.

Highlights of the day included McCardell's 128 yard, 2 TD performance. It came despite his reliance on a walker for much of the third quarter, and his demand during the fourth that he be allowed to "nap." Donald Driver managed to stink up the field in his 4 quarters of play, and we asked his teammate Derrick Mason for a comment we received a cryptic "If I had been playing I would have caught twice as many balls for twice as many yards."

Also impressive this week was the Flower's dominence in the ESPN 3 on 3 street basketball tournament. The Flower's bench fielded a team of Matt Jones, Antonio Gates and Julius Peppers - all standout basketball players during college. When asked about their win, Jones said "Duuude, Peppers totally rawked! The tourney was awesome!"

Tom Brady does it again

Port Moresby - Another thrilling performance notched by playboy and ultimate man Tom Brady. With this week's game spilling over from thursday to monday (somehow), Brady was able to lead the perfect life while going 24/38 with over 300 yards passing and 2 touchdowns. He did it all while dating model Bridget Moynahan and constantly playing with his three superbowl rings.

This is, of course, three more rings than the great Dan Marino has.

After the game, Brady said that he was looking into flying and breathing fire again, having taken a sabattical to focus on his cancer-ending research. Asked if performances like thursday night would be par for the course, Brady replied simply "Earthly concerns are your interest, but I have gone beyond your science and culture." Early speculation hints that this may be a reference to the Patriot's mid-game switch between the 3-4 and the 4-3, more likely is that Brady's wisdom won't be understood or truly grasped for years to come.

Week One Concerns for the Flowers

PORT MORESBY -- All eyes undoubtedly will focus on All-Pro wideout Terrell Owens this thursday through sunday at Office Depot Field when the Port Moresby Flowers host the Greensburg Gay Momz.

That's understandable, as it will be not only the Flower's first home appearance since they picked up Owens last January, but also Owens' first action since his offseason of controversy spilled into training camp.

Will Owens interact — positively, negatively, or at all — with Flowers quarterback Tom Brady?

Considering that he was out of action for roughly a month because of a serious ankle injury and surgery before coming back to catch nine passes in Super Bowl XXXIX, concerns about Owens' health and whether he needs to have time on the field with Brady probably can be put aside. Even at 90 percent, he will get open and catch passes. Also, the looming possibility that Carson Palmer may take over the offense must weigh heavily on the giant retard's walnut-like brain.

So there will be plenty of other people and issues worth watching, including:

How will having the entire squad of the Tampa Bay defense on the bench effect the game? Is there a reason all the starters of the Bears defense are playing? Is there a possibility that the Tampa starters will be pressed into service as offensive linemen? If no, WHY?

How desperately do the Flowers need to find a veteran wideout to be their No. 5 receiver?

Player/Captain Julius Peppers was seen during training camp eating an entire sheep between sets. Will there be enough sheep available to keep this monster at bay?

Finally, Antonio Gates is still facing a suspension for the first game because he received a second technical foul in the final minutes of the last preseason game. His flagrant foul while posting up against Master P forced the league to levy a one game suspension, which is still under appeal.

A New Season is Upon Us

Port Moresby -

WELCOME FLOWER FANS!!!! :) :)

As you can see by this picture, the new Office Depot stadium in beautiful downtown Port Moresby was completed in the offseason and I CAN NOT WAIT TO ATTEND A FOOTBALL CONTEST THERE!

As I'm sure you all know, this offseason brought us some amazing free agents. Julius Peppers, Edgerin James, Terrel Owens, Antonio Gates, Tom Brady, Donald "the duck" Driver, Derreck Mason, Steven Jackson (also known as Stephen Jackson), Carson Palmer, DeShawn Foster, Keenan McCardell, Matt Jones, Sebastian Janikowski and even Steven Alexander all signed 1 year contracts.

Also, strangely, the entire defense and special teams units from the former Chicago Bears as well as the Tampa Bay Bucs signed. HOW WEIRD!!!! :P The only thing this team needs right now is a long snapper and an offensive line, although the waiver wire looks pretty thin....

I'll try to cover all these new playes as the weeks go on, but in the meantime GOOOOO FLOWERS!!!!!

Port Moresby Fantasy Sports!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Adventures of Mr Witten

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Internet has Returned to Port Moresby!!!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Homecoming Turns to the Usual

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Nashau Nashes Teeth Over Newest Loss

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Cassanovas are kept loveless

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Frank Gore : Gores Whores!!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Flower Pre-Season Update

Thursday, September 07, 2006

RYAN HOWARD NOW BACK-HANDING HOMERS!!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Howard Dongs Again!!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

KITTENS PENANT FEVER!!!!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Mistakes were made!!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Enraged Hafner Dooms Future of Kittens

GUESS PUJOLS IS COMING TO DINNER!!!!???!?!?!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Kittens Bullpen is more like a PIGPEN!!!111!!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Around the League

Monday, May 08, 2006

New Stadium for Port Moresby

Friday, May 05, 2006

The Wild Ride That is Success

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Barfielders Management : Crazed WBC Fan

Monday, May 01, 2006

Week 3 Update

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Kittens Rocket into 2006

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Finals

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Ryan Moats Steals The Children's Dreams

Monday, December 19, 2005

Incredible Victory in H-Town

Saturday, December 10, 2005

BACK ON THE AIR

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Brady Blows it again, Palmer's Head Explodes

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Flowers Win Again, Fans Apathetic

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Ogre signed.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Terrible Owens Joins Favre in AZ

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Signings from around the league

Monday, October 31, 2005

HA!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Flowers Destroy Trojans!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Port Moresby : A Wall of Stone

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Flowers have their own CIVIL WAR!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Pasadena Funeral

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

EVERYONE PAYS!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Math DESTROYED

Friday, September 30, 2005

Keenan McCardell Upset!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Burbank Defeated!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Gay Momz employ Molestee

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Humiliations!