Humiliations!
Port Moresby - Terrell Owens held a press conference this morning detailing the Flowers' humiliating defeat on sunday. The flashy, overpaid and near-holdout star of the Flowers was clearly emotional as he read from a prepared statement. "I always do what I can to inflate my own ego, dismiss or insult my fellow professionals, and buy more diamond earrings. Yesterday, that came back to haunt me as my fantastic and selfish play got in in the way of two very imporant things : winning and not losing."The rambling, often incoherent Owens then broke down and wept.
The Flowers management had far more to say, and also far more to cry about. With the loss, the Flowers fall to 1-1, their lowest point of the season so far. Also, with basically every player on the team playing as well as possible, there was clearly frustration in the air after losing. Carson Palmer was seen walking around the sidelines with a cloud hanging over his head. When the backup was asked about his role on the bench, he paused and then spoke quietly through his gritted teeth " If I were in this goddamned game we would have won. That pretty boy Brady is FUCKING US OVER". He was then restrained by teammates.
Fallout from the loss was immediate, with Domanic Rhodes, Julius Peppers, and Sebastian Jankowski all being immediately fired and thrown off the team. Peppers was clearly the most distraught, seeing as how he was the acting player/coach, although the cut could not have come as a suprise. His only legible comment was "DEATH." Janikowski and Rhodes were unavailable for comment.
The entire Bears' defensive squad re-joined the team immediately following the game, after coaches watched their play against the kitchen staff team. The Bears join Leonard Little and Neil Rackers as recent additions. After the Bears arrived, Nathan Vasher was seen roughing up Ronde Barber almost immediately, while the rest of the Flowers stood around in a circle laughing.
posted by The Minister of Information @ 10:14 PM
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