Port Moresby Fantasy Sports!

Kittens Rocket into 2006

Port Moresby - The Kittens may not have the rich history or wild success of their football counterparts, the famed Port Moresby Flowers, but don't tell that to this spring's free agent signings. At pre-season camp this year there was a buzz in the air as the new players met for the first time, looked around, and realized that the new Kittens bore little resemblance to the underperforming "lovable losers" in years past.

Kittens management was praised by industry insiders when they signed Jimmy Rollins, Manny Ramierez, Grady Siezemore, Ryan Howard, Joe Mauer, Troy Glaus, Freddie Garcia, Cliff Lee, Tadahito Iguchi, Matt Murton, Bob Wickman, Matt Clement, Mike Mussina, Adam Rowand, Mags, Farny, Howitzer, Benitez, Henhouse, K-Rog, and some other guys. The signings put them just under the salary cap that does not exist anymore.

The only move this off-season that has been universally panned was the aquisition of Man-Beast Travis Hafner. Derisively nicknamed "pronk" by his teammates ( he is supposedly part professional baseball player, part retard, part kiddle [the dog food]), he has quickly become a burden and nuisance that aggrivates the team. During spring training he has regularly been chased around the park by local children, who beat him with sticks and rocks. His muscled and gutteral screams sometimes rise to such a pitch as to drown out the cheering by the Kittens faithful. This, of course, only inspires further beatings.

Aside from Hafner (an obvious mid-season cut) it looks like the Kittens have a strong core of players that will stick with the team for the long haul. In specific Kenny Rogers, Matt Clement, Magglio Ordonez, Kyle Farnsworth, Bob Howry, and Grady Siezmore all signed a contract stating that they would never ever leave the Kittens ever ever. They further stipulated that any such move would be against their convictions, and that their hearts belonged to Port Moresby. Clay Hensley was quoted as saying "I will never leave the Kittens, even if I give up like 4 runs in the only inning I ever pitch for them."

Let's hope everyone gets to play together all year long!!!!

posted by The Minister of Information @ 11:01 AM