HA!
Port Moresby- The mysterious city of H-Town this week dropped out of the "elite", and became simply the top team in the muddled middle of the PFFL.The wake up call came hard for the Balcoholics, who came into the season a suprising 6-1. The loss leaves them in a good position to make the playoffs, but with little hope to capture the top seed.
For the game, their bizzare quarterback rotation fielded league pariah Aaron Brooks, who earlier this very seaon played poorly for the Flowers. During the season the Balcoholics have started a virtual encyclopedia of terrible quarterbacks including Joey Harrington, Kurt Warner, Tim Rattay, Gus Ferrote and finally Brooks. Brooks was determined to make a statement, and to let the Flowers know they made a mistake by letting him go.
Brooks did make a statement, completing 14 of 31 passes for a whopping 181 yards. In the process he threw only one interception and was sacked 6 times, once for a safety. After the game, Brooks said "Did you see that I only thew one interception!? That is literally the best I've done all year."
Brooks' poor play was a contributing factor to the loss by the Balcoholics, who in the end took a serious drubbing, losing 143.22-92.22. The biggest factor in this whipping was 30-foot tall Antonio Gates, who caught 10 balls for 145 yards and three touchdowns. After his second touchdown, Gates retrieved Brooks from the sideline and proceeded to spike the chump into the endzone in celebration. Derrick Mason was seen rolling around in laughter.
Other highlights for the Flowers included basically every player on the roster, with the exception of Doug Gabriel. His dull-witted stare contributed in his ability to catch zero balls for zero yards. When asked, Carson Palmer said "Shit, if LT can play quarterback and Kordell Stewert can play wide receiever, maybe someday soon Gabriel will learn to play his own position."
posted by The Minister of Information @ 11:00 PM
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