Port Moresby Fantasy Sports!

The Kittens Bullpen is more like a PIGPEN!!!111!!

Port Moresby- Obesity is an epidemic that effects all sorts of "regular" people. It is a worldwide problem that causes the early deaths of hundreds of thousands of people every year, and is a leading cause of heart disease, diabetis, and lardation.

This very serious issue in now even influencing something that matters: Of course we're talking about the relief pitching of the Kittens.

The Kittens bullpen currently has about a million pitchers in it, and basically all of of them are obese. In order to increase social pressure on these awfully unshapely men, we've decided to do a feature piece on each of their fat asses.

Our first overweight closer is Bob Wickman. In addition to being really fat, he is really bald. He is also a millionaire!!! He is basically your dad, but with a better changeup.




















King fatso is Armando Benitez (pictured below.) Earlier this season he was quoted as saying "I can get as fat as I want. What are you going to do, use Tim Worell?"



























Benitez's buddy and enabler is young closer Jorge Julio. He's mostly just got a fat head.







Ryan Dempster is also very fat. He got hit by a bus and said "stop pushin."













Anyway, pitching coach David Wells is reportedly threatening to consume any players that are big enough to be a complete meal for him. This should, presumably, force our fat friends to slim down. In the meantime, when you see these majestic men lumbering around the streets of Port Moresby, help them out! Yell " HEY YOU FAT FUCK LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT, I'M GOING TO PUKE JUST LOOKING AT YOUR FAT SACK OF SHIT FACE"

Go Kittens!!!

posted by The Minister of Information @ 10:54 PM