Port Moresby Fantasy Sports!

The Wild Ride That is Success

Port Moresby - Like a modern day Icharus, Port Moresby Management has flown too close to the sun; they now fall - aflame, tumbling, and humbled.

The owner of the Kittens (pictured here in his only known public appearance) drew accolades through thursday afternoon as his clever gamesmanship steered the Kittens from the cellar of the division to the rooftop. Clutch performances by Troy Glaus, Chone Figgins, and the entire starting rotation had reinvigorated a sluggish Kittens lineup.

Even the living embarassment known as Travis Hafner had contributed this week, thanks to the new "DH Chain", a heavy chain (attached to both Hafner and the ground) that provides alternative protection spectators and players. It replaced the "Hafner Cage", a crippling cage filled with spikes/spines that hampered Hafner's swing, follow-through, and ability to charge into the stands. While the chain still limits Hafner to playing DH (it will not allow him access to several parts of the field), it does allow more freedom to swing. Hafner rewarded his handlers with a .393 average, 4 homers, and 14 RBI; he also partially consumed a rosin bag.

Beastly accomplishments aside, thursday afternoon became thursday evening, and things quickly turned tragic for Port Moresby. Fueled by the rioting that has accompanied their meteoric accent, Management went on a bender. When all was said and done, it was clear that embarassing trades had been made. The only comment (scrawled on the sidewalk outside the team headquarters in feces) was simply "Abiorix, Chone, Tadahito"

More on the fallout from these trades next week, unless they are vetoed by an increasingly hostile PFFL.

posted by The Minister of Information @ 12:02 PM