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Terrible Owens Joins Favre in AZ

Arizona - In the continuing soap-opera/demolition-derby which is Terrell Owen's life, the plot was just thrown for a loop. His outrageous behavior coupled with his on-field dominance led many in the media to ignore the dire state of the world and to simply focus on his increasing irrational demands.

Owens clashed with Flower management this summer and earned a one-week exile from training camp after a heated dispute. This led to a bizarre workout on his lawn in front of neighbors and reporters.

Owens got in trouble this time after taking shots at the team and quarterbacks Carson Palmer and Tom Brady in an interview with ESPN.com on Thursday.

Owens was upset there was no in-stadium acknowledgment of his boorish, childish and irresponsible actions in a victory over San Diego on Oct. 23. An announcement was made in the press box.

"That right there just shows you the type of class and integrity that they claim not to be, they claim to be first class and the best organization. It's an embarrassment. It just shows a lack of class they have. My publicist talked to the head PR guy, and that PR guy spoke with his assistant, and that assistant apparently talked to the owner's brother over drinks. They said everything was set, so that when I chop blocked [head referee] Bill [Anderson] the celebration would begin. But that was a blatant lie. Had it been somebody else, they probably would have popped fireworks around the stadium."

Owens also said the Eagles would be undefeated with Arizona's Brett Favre at quarterback.

"A number of commentators will say he's a warrior, he's played with injuries," Owens said, referring to Favre. "I feel like him being knowledgeable about the quarterback position, I feel like we'd probably be in a better situation. Like he would throw three picks, and then a touchdown to me, Terrell Owens. He would then throw three more picks, and then another touchdown to me, Terrell Owens. We would be undefeated."

Following this new conference T.O. announced his retirement from football, and his desire to join the Arizona Bears in "whatever capacity available." As of press time, Arizona has accepted T.O. with welcome arms. While management was unavailable for comment, Larry Johnson went on record as being excited that the Bears finally have "A player, or civilian, or whatever he is now on the team. It'll be great to finally hear how terrible our offensive coordinator is, as well as how badly we all stink. I'm hoping they give him a bunch the money they had earmarked for me, and that he will insinuate that I have the AIDS during his first contract dispute."

posted by The Minister of Information @ 9:44 AM